Fruit Bat

by Jonah

[August 1995. Exact date unknown.]

Michele bought a whole bunch of fruit today. What she does is ask the
produce man at the store if he has anything he’s throwing away. He asks
if it’s for human or animal consumption. She says animal, but then
feeds us on it anyway. I’ve learned to do the same. You can get a
whole box of peaches (a bushel or so) for a couple of bucks. And most
of them are okay to eat too. Whenever she asks what we need at the
grocery store, I say fruit, because we go through it so fast. So Michele
did it again today. She came home with a couple of boxes of assorted
fruits and vegetables, half of which were suitable for nonhumans and so
delivered. Justin got excited. I was lying on the couch, sacked out,
when this conversation ensued:

Justin: Alright! Fruit bat time! Mom, do you know where the bat is?
Michele: What? No.
Justin: Hey mom, watch this!
Microwave: BEEP, hummmmmm
Michele: Justin, what are you doing? No, don’t waste that potato!
Justin: But mom, watch, it’ll explode!
Michele: Justin, that’s a perfectly good potato.
Justin: No mom, it’s rotten…
Michele: Then give it to a needy chicken.
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: Whoa ho! That was a good one.
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: Here’s one…
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: Whoa!
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: I came THIS CLOSE to hitting the rooster!
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: Cool!
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: I almost hit Kandy…
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: That was pretty good…
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: I almost hit the flag pole.
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: YESSS!
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: I hit Herman right on the head!
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: Again! I got him again!
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: This one doesn’t look so bad. Ah, here’s one…
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: Herman’s the batter, he’s got two strikes… Hmmm…
Screen door: SLAM
Justin: Mom! I struck Herman out TWICE! He’s like, “Why is there fruit
falling out of the sky?”

And people call the Bremers weird…

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