Blog-Things

by Berck

Now that I have blogging software installed, I have this fiendish urge to make nothing but bloggish posts. That is: things that no one else could possibly want to read. These take a couple of forms.

One of them mimics the Seinfeldish comic routine wherein the comedian says, “Have you ever noticed…” then points out some inanity of daily life which in and of itself has no comic value. But the comedian is certain this his particular blabbering about this observation will be funny.

Bloggers do this, but rather than anything remotely comic, there’s just a strange vacuum.

For example, here is a bloggish post I thought about posting. But (un)fortunately for you I (almost) had the ability not to post:

Have you ever thought about chocolate syrup bottles? Is there some reason they have TWO caps? Is the first one not good enough? And if not, then why is the second one worthless? It seems as though this entire system exists solely to create muck on the inside of the second cap. Which is good, right, because you get the muck on the cap and not your hands when you close the bottle. But no, then you have to open the bottle again, and get your fingers mucky in the process. Maybe the outside cap should just be thrown away. Surely someone can invent a much better way to dispense chocolate syrup. A method that won’t leave my neurotic tendencies eagerly awaiting a new bottle just so it will be clean even when the old one is still half full.

See. You really were better off not reading that. And not because it was spectacularily horrific. But because it leaves you in this stupendous vacuum that sucks. And keeps sucking you back for more, for some strange reason.

There’s also the sort of endless meta-posts about writing and other posts and such. This, in fact is a meta-meta-post about posts about– oh forget it.

(e.g. I should note that I’ve been using the words spectacularly and stupendously with spectacular frequency lately. I’m not sure why. It needs to stop.)

In any case, I’m sorry. I’m not sure what’s come over me. It’s probably just a phase I’m going through and you won’t have to live with it much longer. It does, at least, encourage me to write. Which I need to do. Because I suck. And I must get better. (And you, dear reader, must cope in the meantime.)

One Response to “Blog-Things”

  1. Jonah Says:

    The second top is to keep that little bit of chocolate stuck on the first top from contaminating anything with syrup (or from anything contaminating the syrup) when you knock it over in the fridge trying to get the milk out from behind the O.J. and the ice tea.

    Readers will note the time of this post.

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