Fun Patron Saints

by Jonah

St. Dymphna – the mentally ill (Her father went mad with grief when her mother died, and his advisors told him to marry his daughter. When she refused, he sliced off her head with his sword.)

St. Joseph of Cupertino – pilots (His levitational ability caused enmity with his fellow monks.)

St. Agatha – bellmakers (No one knows why.)

St. Ambrose – beekeepers

St. Januarius – bloodbanks (A vial of abrout 30 ml the martyred saint’s clotted blood is kept in a locked vault in the Cathedral of Naples. When the vial is handled during a ceremony honoring the saint, the blood liquifies and appears to boil and froth. The Catholic Church has never officially declared this a miracle, leaving scientists to explain the phenomenon.)

St. Fiacre – cab drivers (French cabs are called fiacres because the first establishment to let coaches on hire was near the hotel Saint-Fiacre in Paris)

St. Venantius – falling

St. Bona – flight attendants

St. Martin de Porres – hairdressers (He was the barber in his friary.)

St. Rita of Cascia – lost causes (Though she wanted to become a nun, her parents insisted that she married at age 12. After her husband and both sons died, she tried unsuccessfully to enter the Augustinians. They required all sisters to be virgins. Finally, the order gave her entry.)

St. Sebastian – archers

St. Teresa of Jesus Jornet Ibars – senior citizens (She was canonized in 1974. I don’t know what seniors did before that.)

St. Cassian of Imola – shorthand writers (A teacher arrested for being a Christian, his students were invited to hack him to death. His martyrdom was lengthy, since his students could not wield mortal blows.)

St. Bernard of Montjoux – skiers

St. Stephen – stone masons (Stephen, the first Christian martyr, was stoned to death)

St. Apollonia – toothaches (She had her teeth knocked out by a persecutor.)

St. Dismas – undertakers (Crucified with Jesus, he was the thief who believed.)

St. Philip of Agirone – US Special Forces

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