Archive for July, 2006
KittenWar is a great way to unwind, to thoughtlessly make consequetial decisions that cost you next to no effort.
But after careful observation, there is actually a fairly simple method of discovering which kittens will win. It has nothing to do with coloring and little to do with actual appearance.
1. The photography has to be decent, not blurry, no red-eye (or in kittens’ case, glowing white eyes). This doesn’t seem like it should matter when determining cuteness, but it does.
2. Multiple kittens are cuter than individual kittens.
3. Kittens’ bellies are their cutest part. A kitten standing up on its hind legs or a kitten lying on its back is cuter than a kitten right side up. Dangling a paw in the air is even cuter.
4. A kitten with his paw over his face is cuter.
5. Kittens in something are cuter, be it fish bowls, cereal boxes, or flower pots.
6. Kittens hanging from something or else engaged in another activity are cuter than those standing still.
7. The younger a kitten is, the cuter.
With this in mind, I think I have the makings of the perfect KittenWar champion. The Bremers’ cats just had kittens (it was a group effort among the fathers Scotch and Bear and the mother Mincemeat). I’ll take the litter of four, put tape on their noses, place them upside down in something, and snap a photo as one of them tries to climb out.
I just have to make sure it’s in focus.
A Prophecy About Tyre
1 An oracle concerning Tyre:
Wail, O ships of Tarshish!
For Tyre is destroyed
and left without house or harbor.
From the land of Cyprus
word has come to them.
2 Be silent, you people of the island
and you merchants of Sidon,
whom the seafarers have enriched.
3 On the great waters
came the grain of the Shihor;
the harvest of the Nile was the revenue of Tyre,
and she became the marketplace of the nations.
4 Be ashamed, O Sidon, and you, O fortress of the sea,
for the sea has spoken:
“I have neither been in labor nor given birth;
I have neither reared sons nor brought up daughters.”
5 When word comes to Egypt,
they will be in anguish at the report from Tyre.
6 Cross over to Tarshish;
wail, you people of the island.
7 Is this your city of revelry,
the old, old city,
whose feet have taken her
to settle in far-off lands?
8 Who planned this against Tyre,
the bestower of crowns,
whose merchants are princes,
whose traders are renowned in the earth?
9 The LORD Almighty planned it,
to bring low the pride of all glory
and to humble all who are renowned on the earth.
10 Till your land as along the Nile,
O Daughter of Tarshish,
for you no longer have a harbor.
11 The LORD has stretched out his hand over the sea
and made its kingdoms tremble.
He has given an order concerning Phoenicia
that her fortresses be destroyed.
12 He said, “No more of your reveling,
O Virgin Daughter of Sidon, now crushed!
“Up, cross over to Cyprus;
even there you will find no rest.”
13 Look at the land of the Babylonians,
this people that is now of no account!
The Assyrians have made it
a place for desert creatures;
they raised up their siege towers,
they stripped its fortresses bare
and turned it into a ruin.
14 Wail, you ships of Tarshish;
your fortress is destroyed!
15 At that time Tyre will be forgotten for seventy years, the span of a king’s life. But at the end of these seventy years, it will happen to Tyre as in the song of the prostitute:
16 “Take up a harp, walk through the city,
O prostitute forgotten;
play the harp well, sing many a song,
so that you will be remembered.”
17 At the end of seventy years, the LORD will deal with Tyre. She will return to her hire as a prostitute and will ply her trade with all the kingdoms on the face of the earth. 18 Yet her profit and her earnings will be set apart for the LORD; they will not be stored up or hoarded. Her profits will go to those who live before the LORD, for abundant food and fine clothes.
Berck: “So when I break 626 flight hours, can we get a pizza?”
Actual Fact: Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Extra, Extra, read all about it.