I had a colonoscopy scheduled for today (everyone at the clinic asked me why I was getting one, and I’d answer, “I’m 50”). My mom had suggested getting some lemon drops as chasers to the 4 liters of colonoscopy juice I had to drink last night and this morning, but I was having a dickens of…
This is a boring post about a mostly boring thing that I feel compelled to write. It’s aimed at those of you who haven’t thought much about Internet security, find websites increasing security demands obnoxious and just want to go about your life with minimal hassle. Like my Mom. Or Jonah. I find that I’m…
I remember being funneled into a plastic jug. The plastic jug would speak to me, saying it was made from oil, like me. I liked to think I was different, I had once been living, but it said, while I came from peanuts, it came from ancient ferns and the bones of extinct species. I…
We were lying in bed one lazy Saturday morning, and my husband asked me, “Would you change anything about your body?” I know he’s a sucker for my blue (useless) eyes and my long (thin, plain brown) hair. I could stand to lose a few pounds… well, maybe more than a few. “Yes!” I answered….
I dreamed last night that a Checkers hamburger joint opened up in Divide on Cedar Mountain road. This is, of course, preposterous, because we’re too far north for it to be a Checkers; it would have to be a Rally Burger. I ordered a Checker burger, seasoned fries, and a banana shake, and then Berck…