{"id":4137,"date":"2018-08-31T20:58:19","date_gmt":"2018-09-01T02:58:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nachzen.net\/?p=4137"},"modified":"2018-08-31T20:58:19","modified_gmt":"2018-09-01T02:58:19","slug":"tornado","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/?p=4137","title":{"rendered":"Tornado"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The boss let us go home early today.\u00a0 She likes to do that on Fridays before holiday weekends.<\/p>\n<p>Berck was still busy at work, so I stopped by the grocery on the way home to pick up mushrooms and peppers.\u00a0 Berck complains that he can&#8217;t cook ANYTHING if he doesn&#8217;t have mushrooms or peppers handy, so I try to have some in the fridge each weekend.\u00a0 Then I toss them in the garbage in a week when they&#8217;ve gone bad.<\/p>\n<p>Traffic was nuts, even at 2:00 p.m., so I decided to stop at the King Soopers on Uintah.\u00a0 As I was walking up to the front door through the parking lot, I had to swing around the back of a giant, ancient, mustard yellow Oldsmobile Tornado, pulled all the way up to the handicapped sign.\u00a0 (I now know it was an Oldsmobile because I eventually found it on Google.\u00a0 Searching for &#8220;tornado&#8221; and &#8220;cars&#8221; on Google leads to a lot of photos of storm devastation, which was not helpful.)\u00a0 \u00a0They just don&#8217;t make cars like that anymore, with proud rear ends that announce themselves so loudly.<\/p>\n<p>What kind of gas mileage does that get, I wondered.\u00a0 I&#8217;m sure it was designed before the gas embargo.<\/p>\n<p>As I walked by, I noticed the windows were down, and the driver was lounging in the front seat, undoubtedly waiting for his passenger to finish their shopping trip inside.<\/p>\n<p>Then I caught the unmistakable whiff of cigar smoke.<\/p>\n<p>Because if you&#8217;re gonna sit in your Tornado in a handicapped spot at the grocery, of course you&#8217;re gonna be smoking a stogie.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The boss let us go home early today.\u00a0 She likes to do that on Fridays before holiday weekends. Berck was still busy at work, so I stopped by the grocery on the way home to pick up mushrooms and peppers.\u00a0 Berck complains that he can&#8217;t cook ANYTHING if he doesn&#8217;t have mushrooms or peppers handy,&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nonclassified-nonsense"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4137"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4137\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4139,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4137\/revisions\/4139"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}