We were lying in bed one lazy Saturday morning, and my husband asked me, “Would you change anything about your body?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know he’s a sucker for my blue (useless) eyes and my long (thin, plain brown) hair. I could stand to lose a few pounds… well, maybe more than a few.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yes!” I answered. “I’d like to have an exoskeleton.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“A… what?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“An exoskeleton, preferably bulletproof. And I’d like to have really strong legs so I could jump a hundred feet into the air like a grasshopper. But when I landed I’d be safe because of my exoskeleton.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“An… exoskeleton?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“And compound eyes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“What?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Wouldn’t it be great to see in 360 degrees?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“But would they still be blue?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Disco, probably.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“So,” he said, “you’d like to be an insect?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I’d also like to be able to eat rocks.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Eat… rocks?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Yeah, because I’d never go hungry. Rocks are everywhere! But to eat rocks, I’d need to have a funnel type mouth with rotating sets of diamond teeth. You know, to crush the rocks.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Rotating… what? How would you talk?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Telepathy.” I turned to him, “How about you? Would you change anything about your body?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He cleared his throat. “I’d like to be shorter.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We were lying in bed one lazy Saturday morning, and my husband asked me, “Would you change anything about your body?” I know he’s a sucker for my blue (useless) eyes and my long (thin, plain brown) hair. I could stand to lose a few pounds… well, maybe more than a few. “Yes!” I answered….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5026","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nonclassified-nonsense"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5026","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5026"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5026\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5028,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5026\/revisions\/5028"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5026"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5026"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nachzen.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5026"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}