On Monday Berck realized my flight benefits on US Airways had been activated. Since they told us those wouldn’t start until December, we were very excited, especially since Berck is free now and won’t be once he starts working full time. They’re so desperate for pilots, they’ve even canceled vacations.

We decided to go to Italy, rent a car, and drive up to “the best driving road in Europe,” declared by Top Gear. Berck made plane and car reservations and then asked, “You know where your passport is, right?” Yup. “It’s not expired, is it?” I pulled it out. EXP 03 SEP/SEP 07.

Berck was very upset. I scoured the State Department website on how to get an expedited passport. It said this would take 10 days as opposed to 6 weeks. It said you had to appear in person at one of the dozen or so passport agencies around the country, but fortunately, there was one in Denver… Aurora to be exact, which is on the south end of Denver and even easier for me to get to. You have to call an 800 number and go through an automated system that tells you when the next available appointment time is. The nearest one I could get was two days away at 10:30 in the morning. I accepted and got a confirmation code.

Today I left work and drove up to Aurora. It only took me 45 minutes. The security at the front desk made sure I had all of my documents. Then I went through a metal detector and checked in at the INFORMATION desk. The clerk checked to make sure I had all of my documents, stapled my photo to my paperwork, and gave me a number. Then I sat down to wait for half an hour. I should have taken something to read. I finally noticed that at the far end of the huge room were stacks of pamphlets, so I started leafing through “Tips for Business Travelers to Nigeria,” which could also be titled “The millions promised you by a deposed African queen is a scam!”

Finally, my number got called. I gave the clerk my old passport, my renewal application, my marriage license, which he creased and folded in triplicate and stuffed in an envelope, my itinerary of our trip leaving Saturday, my credit card, and my drivers license. He marked all over my application in red pen, stuffed it and my old passport into the envelope, and told me it would be ready at 2 pm. It was 11 am, so I drove back down to Monument, worked for a couple hours, and then drove back up. I wasn’t ready to believe I’d actually have my passport until I actually held it in my hands, but sure enough, after going back through security and sending my shoes through the X-ray machine, the clerk at the INFORMATION desk handed me that precious blue book.

The funny thing is that no one ever asked me for my confirmation code. I could have just walked in and applied for a passport, and no one would have known I didn’t have an appointment. A guy ahead of me had come in from way out of state, even though his closest office was Chicago, because they didn’t have an opening until the 15th.

So I have a brand new passport only two days after realizing mine was expired. All it took was two drives to Denver in a day and $127: $55 for the passport, $60 to expedite, and $12 security surcharge, presumably to pay for the metal detector and three guards at the door. I guess they’re there to keep aliens from breaking in and making their own passports.

While I was busy running back and forth to the Mile High City (which just voted yesterday to make marijuana possession the lowest priority for city police and to take the “Mile” out of its nickname), Berck went down to AAA and got himself an international drivers license.

Berck and I went to Borders tonight and compared all of the Italy guidebooks. Our favorites are Let’s Go, Lonely Planet, Moon’s, and Rough Guide. They didn’t have Moon’s, the Lonely Planet was a year old, and after we compared the remaining, we decided to go with the Rough Guide. Then we had to get Rick Steve’s Italy. Then we had to get one for Switzerland (that was easy; they only had Lonely Planet). Then we had to get a StreetWise Rome and a Michelin Italy map book. We saved $22 with my Borders rewards card.

The tattooed girl who checked us out commented, “You guys planning a trip to Italy?”

I wanted to say, “I just got my passport in two days!” but I instead I asked, “How did you know?”

She grinned and answered, “You just look like the type that wants to visit Italy.”