Time to elope

by Jonah

It’s two weeks from today. I can’t decide to call the whole thing off or make a run for Vegas. Weddings are way too complicated. My sister had some words of wisdom back when this whole process began, though she had just found out she was pregnant, so she might not have said this (especially in front of our mother) otherwise:

“Remember, weddings are like funerals. They’re not for you; they’re for the people who love you.”

Right now all the people who love me are driving me crazy. Or is it the liquid Satan (in the form of bc) that my body is trying to get used to for the first time?

Mom and Dad took off for the beach house today…get some use out of it before it gets used for real. They ran around this evening trying to gather together everything they could think of to take down to Ft. Morgan for the wedding, I guess so we’ll have plenty of room in the trunk for other things later. I sat at the coffee table watching CNN repeating the same story about the capture of Saddam and addressing announcement envelopes…may as well get those out of the way. The parental units were running around madly, collecting things, paying bills (?), and generally driving each other (and me) insane. It was quite a relief to have them gone at last. Now I can have three peaceful days. The trick will be to not answer the phone.

There has been an ongoing saga involving the rehearsal dinner. Initially, there wasn’t going to be one, which was really quite fine with me. Now there is, but people on both sides of the aisle seem to have definite opinions about this shindig, and they have to have someone through whom to communicate these convictions. Guess who that person is. Yup.

I’m thinking Montana. By myself. I’ll write a book: How to Not Get Married. Or I’ll plant potatoes.

This was going to be a simple, small affair. It was also supposed to be fun. I feel like a pregnant woman in the midst of labor, screaming at my man, “You did this to me! This is your fault!” He is, after all, the one who wanted a wedding.

Can’t I just go away and come back in time for the ceremony?

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