Berck has been reading The Morning News outloud to me. We especially appreciated this explanation of Olympic sports by the non-expert Andrew Womack:

Badminton, Handball, Table Tennis, Tennis & Volleyball

Badminton is tennis with a volleyball net and a shuttlecock instead of a ball. Handball is racquetball without a racquet–technically, it could just be called “ball”. Table tennis has a ball and paddles (instead of racquets), and is just like tennis except everything’s smaller and the court is usually stored in the basement. Volleyball is like badminton, which, as stated earlier, is like tennis, but without any racquets and with a ball.

If we took the racquets from the badmintoners and gave them to the handballers, then sent the badmintoners over to the volleyball courts to play that instead (same net anyway), and then if we get the tennis players and the table-tennis players to switch courts, then, finally, is everyone even?

This still leaves us with a bag full of shuttlecocks.