The other night I had a dream that was scary enough to wake me up. This hardly ever happens. Usually, my dreams are pleasant or exciting, and very occasionally disturbingly erotic.
I dreamed that I arrived at work one morning. No one was home, all the cars were gone, but the doors were wide open. A dead sheep with its throat slit was outside. I just KNEW there was a mountain lion inside. Of course, the prudent thing to do would be to go back out to my car and start the engine, but I was afraid someone might be inside trapped with the lion. I realized that I had no weapon whatsoever with which to face the lion.
That was when I woke up in a cold sweat, swearing to myself to buy a .45 the very next day and apply for a concealed weapon permit. I rolled over and went straight back to sleep with that settled.
In the light of day, it made more sense to get a .44. It has almost as much firepower as a .45, the most you can reasonably get out of something you can carry on your person, and which might be enough to stop a lion (though it would probably just tick off a grizzly), but might not break your wrist while firing it. Then I didn’t really think about it again. Still, I’m a little worried. I haven’t been concerned with humans; they’re stupid and are easily out-thought/run. Plus, both at work and at home, I have access to a variety of knives, which are just as effective in close quarters as a firearm. I generally carry one in my back pocket as well.
But a big cat worries me. They’re not likely to attack a human, and when they do, it’s out in the woods, on their home turf, and their victims generally aren’t paying attention.
So I’ve been thinking about getting a Taser. Would one stop a big cat? It would certainly help against a human, though if someone is on enough drugs it won’t do much.
Some say that dreams are the brain’s way of practicing for contingencies, and sometimes those contingencies are pretty far-fetched, like my recurring dream that I’m taking a final for a class I’ve never attended or am about to go on stage for a play I’ve never rehearsed. I’ve stopped being worried by these dreams and now just enjoy the flow. But now I’m dreaming about mountain lions. But you know what? Mountain lions don’t usually go into houses.
Still, I might feel better with a .44 strapped to my back.
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