My friend Cris is absolutely insane. That’s probably why I like her.

We’re running together for Senior Class officers of SGA. We ran last year as
well. She won, and I lost. This year we’re running unopposed, however.
Being sure shoe-ins, we weren’t real concerned about the forum held tonight
for candidates to introduce themselves and make campaign statements to
whoever showed up. Only 15 of us did. Of them, only four were not running
for office. They included the present Executive President, who kind of had
to be there; his girlfriend, who was taking notes for an article for the
school paper; and the two work studies, who were running lights and sound.

Almost everyone was running unopposed. I go to a really apathetic school.
All of the candidates were female (except for Stephen, who won’t go have an
meeting with the Faculty Director of Student Stuff Like This, didn’t show up
at this forum, and won’t be on the ballot). They were all dressed up. As
Cris said, “You wouldn’t want to light a match in this room on account of all
the hair spray.” This was in contrast to the two of us. I was wearing my
usual jeans, t-shirt, flannel shirt, and black high tops, and Cris was in a
pair of cutoffs and t-shirt. Before it started, the two of us sat on one
side of the auditorium singing “Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oreo, what’s in the
middle, the white stuff,” as everyone else glanced at us nervously.

Since we’re the only ones running for senior stuff, we went close to the end.
I’d written a speech beforehand after asking one of the tech guys what he
wanted out of SGA. Cris read it and chuckled. “Let’s go up there together,”
I suggested, as our turn approached. She shook her head. “Aw, come on,” I
whined in a whisper, “I don’t want to be up there all by myself.” She looked
dubious. “Hey,” I added, “how ’bout I give my speech while you perform an
interpretive dance?”

“Okay!” she agreed. We walked up to the podium on stage. Cris gave her
little introduction saying what we were running for. Then we switched
places. I gave my name and announced, “I’ll be a senior next year, which is
a good thing, considering I’m running for senior class vice president. I’ve
prepared a little speech outlining my campaign promises.

“As senior class vice president, I will make it my goal to bring about
several changes to benefit the student body and especially the senior class.
First off I would address the issue of security guards. I would work to
make them stop delivering so many tickets and start handing out coupons for
McDonalds. Speaking of fast food, the snack shop should offer a wider
variety of selections such as anchovies on pizza. On the same note, the
cafeteria should make items like Twinkies available. Another problem is the
bookstore. Have you been over there lately? They carry absolutely no comic
books! Chapel is an issue that also needs to be addressed. It’s just way
too boring most of the time. Perhaps we could do something about making more
work study jobs available. Maybe have students dressed up in chicken suits
to be present at UM events. They could even dance on the stage during chapel
to liven things up a bit. Finally, if you vote for me, I will work to give
free Skittles to all seniors. And if you don’t vote for me, that’s okay too.
Thank you, and God bless America.”

The nervous, occasional giggle ceased, and we stepped down from the stage to
a smattering of applause. When everyone had completed their shpeels, all the
candidates gathered up front to have their pictures taken. On the one with
all of us in it, Cris and I knelt facing each other, me peering over my
sunglasses at the camera. In the one of the candidates for Senior Class
officers, Cris and I sat back to back with one knee up, me with my sunglasses
still on. I can’t wait to see them posted out for the students who are
voting