Free beer

by Jonah

“Yesterday was weird,” I said.

“How so?” asked Andy.

“Well, it all started, I suppose, when the Pepsi machine started spitting out free drinks.”

It was true. I walked into the fine arts building yesterday to find Stephen and company coming into the hall from the stairwell. “Jonah!” he exclaimed, “You want to steal something, don’t you?” My eyes lit up. “The Coke machine is giving free Cokes. Just hit a button and it’ll give you what you want. For free!”

“But I don’t drink soft drinks.”

“That’s okay! They have other things as well!”

“7UP, you like 7UP?”

“Do they have any juice?”

“Mountain Dew!”

“I would, but I don’t drink soft drinks,” I said, “So what would be the point in stealing one?”

“It doesn’t matter; it’s the principle of the thing!”

Instead, I went into Russian Lit class having not read the material and tried to BS my way through discussion. It’s always a challenge in her class to be able to get through without saying, “I haven’t read it.” Afterward, I was discovered by Cris and Karen, who entertained me with their list of Politically Incorrect Barbies. We went looking for Maynard, who was trying to choreograph the Christmas musical on the floor next to the copier in the hall. He needed a dancing partner to try to figure out one
part, and somehow I got volunteered. He knows how to lead. He makes it very obvious, pushing and pulling quite violently sometimes, but always graceful. “I love being a woman!” I exclaimed. “That way I don’t have to lead.”

Eventually, it was time for my Medieval Lit class. I found Greg down in the stairwell, feeding the Pepsi machine quarters. “You don’t have to do that, you know,” I said. “It’s giving them free.” A guy came by and hit the Diet Pepsi button, the only one with its OUT light unilluminated. A few seconds later, I white can crashed down into the hatch.

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