Today, three of my students flew 306 flights. Flight 306 is the flight right before their checkride. Which means it’s at the end of the “block”. Which means that for them to pass it, all gradable items must be performed to the syllabus-required level inorder to progress beyond the end of the block. I suspected that two of my students would do well and one would quite possibly still wouldn’t be able to land by the end of the flight. Instead, my two good students did horribly, and the other student did great.

My last student screwed up in all kinds of nearly unimaginable ways. The only thing he was struggling with was no flap landings, but those looked good in the pattern work we did first. Then we set out for the area.

“Okay, so I’m going to head for tank,” he says on the downwind departure.

“What?”

“Depot, Depot!! I’m going to Depot,” he says.

“Okay, and what do we need to do?” I ask. My fondest hope for a 306 flight is to get through without saying anything. For a maneuver to be graded “fair” it needs to be performed safe and unassisted. Asking questions could, of course, be considered assistance.

“We need to contact springs approach?”

“Before that.”

“We need to be at 8,000 feet.”

“Yes, but what do you need to do any time you talk to springs approach?”

A few nonsense answers, but the one I was looking for didn’t happen on time. I punched in our pre-assigned code into the transponder as we came up on Home Depot. He futzed with the radios and made the call.

At this point, I’m trying to decide if the kid is screwed for the flight or not. That was assistance, but one deviation is perhaps okay provided that the rest of the arrival and the departure procedures looked good. Boy was I in for a surprise.

A good mile early, my student squawked 1200 and made a call to eagle traffic. He looked at the wrong power lines. This was his 10th flight. By this point, he’s done the Woodmen departure 3-5 times. He should know where the bloody power lines are. Only it gets worse, because he calls Springs Approach instead of Eagle Traffic.

My Student: Eagle Traffic, Talon 20 woodmen departure for Tango Five.
Springs: Talon 20, transmitting approach.
My Student: Roger that, Talon 20.

(As a side note “Roger That” is some crappy radio phraseology that annoys the crap out of me. “Roger” means “I heard you”. So, “I heard you that,” is nonsense. Furthermore, saying your call sign indicates that you heard them. So what he said, translated, is “I heard you that, I heard you.” What he should have said, if anything (no response was really needed) is, “Talon 20”.)

At this point, I explained his many mistakes. A couple moments later, at the correct place (after fiddling with the radio)….

My Student: Eagle Traffic, Talon 20 woodmen departure for Tango Five.
Springs Approach: Talon 20, Eagle traffic cannot hear you if you’re transmitting on Springs Approach.
My Student: Roger That

He then fiddles with the radios incorrectly, and before I can stop him…

My Student: Eagle Traffic, Talon 20 woodmen departure for Tango Five.
Springs Approach: Talon 20, TO TALK ON ANOTHER FREQUENCY YOU HAVE TO FLIP THE SWITCH.
Me: I’m very sorry, sir, my student is having difficulties.

The whole flight went like that.