It’s becoming more and more apparent that I’m not wanted in Pueblo. I have no idea why. But I’m starting to wrap my head around it. I’m trying to remember what it’s like to move, to tape up boxes and put things in them. The problem this time is, in the past, I’ve always been excited about the destination. This is the first time where, unless I move to Alaska, I’m not going to be that excited about geographic displacement.

Jonah’s convinced that if I don’t get the job in Pueblo, things will turn out for the better. She points out that, in fact, I was quite disappointed about not getting a job at Airman, and that really turned out quite well. To Jonah, this is evidence of divine stewardship that will continue. To me, it’s my one break, and now karma will come bite me in the ass. While I don’t have her faith, I do feel an attachment to a sort of providence that has, so far, not led me wrong. Whether I see this providence as something strictly divine, natural, or more likely, merely perceived doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter how I see it, or whether it exists– just that I have a perception of a sort of providence. And I agree, it hasn’t steered me wrong yet, but I have no faith. Where Jonah refuses to take control of her destiny, I feel that I must do my best regardless. Sure, perhaps providence will work in my favor, but it can’t hurt to do my best. And, the best things that have happened to me haven’t been mere chance– they’ve been the fruit of (sometimes misdirected) labor.

That’s a lot of words which probably don’t make a lot of sense. The short of it? Perhaps I have no control over my destiny, but I have to make decisions as though I do. Jonah, on the other hand, refuses to make decisions until her hand is forced. I’m convinced she’s wrong in this, but with only one of us making decisions, this whole thing is much easier.

So, I’ve embarked on a partial journey back through the blog to figure out if I was, indeed as disappointed as Jonah indicates. There’s no indication of such.

I asked if the flight school was going to be needing any flight instructors in the near future and he said, “Well, I’m actually trying to get a rid of a few right now.” So that doesn’t look terribly promising.

I’ve been trying to remember what it’s like to sit around all day and search for a job.

After I get out of bed, I shower and make a great effort not to ponder the likelihood of employment in my near future because I know that path leads to nothing but frustration and fear. I get dressed and anxiously hope that the few bits of email in my inbox are employment related, even though I know they’re not. Then I check my voicemail, just in case. I spend the rest of my day trying not to think about jobs or food and counting down the unknown number of hours until Joanna gets home. I anxiously switch between skimming the surface of the internet in the same old places, never delving too deeply, reading, and looking for new places to send resumes. I anxiously check the time until about noon when there’s a vague possibility of having been visited by the postman. At which point I begin a series of regular journeys to the mailbox, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to deposit the new found contents of the box into the trash can. At some point, after I round the corner, I’ll see the mail truck which means that I can return in half an hour to certain yet unexpected disappointment.

Oh, right, that’s what it’s like. I can’t wait. Except that now I’ll have a ton of studying to do as well.

But, anyway, priorities. Now that I’ve finally gotten my mind around the fact that I have to do something, a list of priorities has finally cemented itself in my mind. I’m not sure it’s a good list, or accurately reflects my wishes and goes, but it’s a list, and I best not think about it too much lest I wind up back at the beginning with nothing.

So here they are:

1. Work for the airlines.
   1. ASA
   2. Mesa
   3. Maybe Great Lakes, but I haven’t decided if I’m that desperate.
2. Find a job in Alaska that doesn’t involve flight instruction.
3. Find a job anywhere but Florida that doesn’t involve flight instruction
4. Work as a flight instructor in Prescott, Arizona

The airlines will take a lot of work, and are a long shot. The only real reason I want to do it is because I could keep living here. I’ll need to take the ATP written just to slightly up my chances. And study a whole bunch besides. Then I’ll need to try to remember what it’s like to fly instruments on Microsoft Flight Sim. Then I’ll need to hire a real instructor, and fly a real simulator. Then I’ll need to get an instrument proficiency check, so I can legally fly instruments again. Then I’ll need to go up in a multi-engine airplane at night, so I’m current. Then I can apply. And *if* I get an interview, then I have to pass a simulator check. Right.

The other jobs will be much simpler. Apply, hope for interviews, interview. Trouble is, there aren’t a lot of jobs I qualify for. Maybe the right one will come along. If not, I think that working in Arizona might not be too bad. Do it for a year, and I could probably do whatever else I wanted without too much trouble.

The stupid thing about searching for pilot jobs? It’s the only job market in the world where the unemployed have to *pay* to search job websites. Stupid.