Vegan bobsleds

For as much doom and gloom prophecy I emanate, I’ve decided that I really am
an optimist after all. I expect so much more of myself than I probably
should, and I actually have the audacity to think I can accomplish what I’ve
optimistically set out to do.

Take this research paper I wrote for Public Administration. I didn’t
actually get started on it until around 1:30 the night before it was due.
Oh, I’d checked out lots of books from the library and downloaded a bunch of
pages off the web. I’d even started reading one of the books. But I didn’t
start writing till then, when I read through the stuff I downloaded, skimmed
through the books using the indexes (I forget the Latin plural), and put down
a couple of quotes and added their originators to my list of works cited. By
almost five, I had between 2 and 3 pages. I needed 7. I went to bed, slept
for an hour, got up, fixed myself a cup of tea, and optimistically told
myself that the amount of time I had till 9:30, the absolute latest time I
could finish and still make it to class on time, was plenty to figure out
what I was saying and add four more pages.

It turns out it was more like 6 pages, but that’s the beauty of manipulatable
line divisions. Suddenly, I had an instant extra page, which was good
because it was 9:30. I rearranged the works cited list, printed the whole
thing out, and drove to school through the rain to get there about ten
minutes late. But it takes that long for this particular class to get going
anyhow.

I remembered later on that I was supposed to talk about what the agency I was
writing about does, but I kind of forgot. I guess I’ll find out what happens
when I get the paper back.

After trying to stay awake through psychology, I laughed at every joke I
heard, through a combination of lack of sleep and relief at having the paper
completed, on the way back to my car. But first I had to stop by Dr.
Schaefer’s office and pick up a packet on taking the LSAT. He asked if there
was anything else he could do for me. I asked to use his phone. “You have
to dial nine to get out,” he answered. I called mom and agreed to meet her
at my favorite health food restaurant at one. That left me several minutes
to spend in the computer lab on the Internet. I walked out to my car, stuck
my key in the ignition, and was greeted by a weak dinging noise and the awful
clicking sound of a near dead battery. I’d left my lights on.

Saying a couple of words I probably shouldn’t have, I walked back to the
office, meeting Schaefer along the way. “Do you need something else?” he
asked. I told him about my battery. “I don’t have time to help you,” he
said, turning around and going back inside, “I have a meeting downtown in 15
minutes. But I’ll call someone who can.” He walked up to a phone on a
secretary’s desk and punched a button. “You have to be really polite to
them,” he divulged, “and they’ll come in about an hour. Hello? Who do I
talk to about a dead car battery?”

A few minutes later I was sitting on the trunk of my car, that had its hood
up, dangling jumper cables forlornly from my helpless hands. A young man
with a few days worth of stubble dressed in a denim shirt and jeans, both
covered in grease, emerged from one of the offices and started toward his
truck. I knew it was his vehicle because I’d seen him arrive. I smiled
plaintively. He raised his eyebrows, “Need a jump?”

“Yeah!” He mumbled something in reply and completed the distance to his
automobile, a big, black, ancient truck with “Cajun Bob-Sled” spray painted
in red along the side facing me. The tail gate bore perhaps a wishful
prophecy in the same crimson lettering, “Built for speed.” Then the truck
swung around toward my hood. He slowed down as he got close and asked me
something through the windshield that I assumed meant he wanted to know if he
was close enough. I nodded in agreement to whatever it was. He stopped the
engine while I stared at the flexible tongue sticking out of the truck’s
grill. “I gotta get a log or something to keep it from rolling,” he said,
running off behind one of the offices and into the woods. He came back with
a charred chunk of wood he jammed under his let front tire. Handing one end
of the cables to him, I attached the other end to my battery. He started up
his engine again. I stuck my key back in the ignition. The open door made a
cheerful “bing,” but the starter simply clicked, perhaps a bit more
energetically this time. The young man fiddled with the cable clamps; I
tried it again. He hit his accelerator. He tried knocking the corrosion off
the contact points. He unscrewed knobs, wiggled wires, and did whatever else
people do under car hoods while I watched from inside my car, my foot on the
button in the door to keep the light and dinging off. I figured if this guy
could get that black piece of junk to run, I could trust him completely with
my car’s engine.

My engine began making overtures at turning over after a while before finally
roaring to life. I smiled triumphantly at the guy as he handed me my jumper
cables. “Thanks,” I said. He climbed into his truck and waved goodbye.

By then it was getting too late to do anything on the Internet, and besides,
I couldn’t let my car stop. I went ahead and drove to the restaurant and
waited till Mom came. I told her the story over my veggie salad and vegan
lasagna. She laughed and declared, “Your Cajun angel!”

Dread Diseases

I received a letter in the (real) mail addressed to me today. The return
address read “NBL National Benefit Life Insurance Company.” I didn’t hurry
to open it. Just another one of those useless pieces of mail that I feel I
have an obligation to look at before tossing it in the trash can. I mean,
why should I have life insurance? I die, that’s it. _I_ won’t be getting
anything out of it. Why should anyone else?

When I was looking around for something to keep me from doing homework a
couple hours later, I reached down and opened the envelope.

“Dear Parent:” it read. I’m not a parent, so I’m not sure why it was
addressed to me. But it talked about me as if my parents should be
concerned. It talked about a policy they should have on me (why, I haven’t
figured out quite yet) and a bunch of stuff I didn’t really understand. Then
is said, “For only $25 a year you get all of the above. This policy provides
coverage anywhere in the world – 365 days…” Now why wouldn’t it be 365
days? Do some coverage plans not cover you if you die on a Thursday? And is
leap year included in this one? It went on to say that this policy provides
coverage even if my parents’ kid:

Leaves School Sky Dives Drives a Motorcycle
Flies a Plane Scuba Dives Enters the Military
Contracts a Dread Disease

I laughed because my mom wouldn’t let my sister’s boyfriend give me a sky
diving trip for my birthday (he may have been hoping my chute wouldn’t open).
She said I couldn’t go jumping out of airplanes until I was paying my own
insurance. I’m trying to figure that one out as well. If I jump out of a
perfectly good airplane for no particular reason and my parachute forgets to
open, life insurance isn’t really going to be the biggest thing on my mind.
I mean, if I’m dead, what should anyone care if I’ve got insurance or not?

In any case, I wouldn’t mind doing any of those, besides Contracting a Dread
Disease (or joining the military. Hmm.. maybe I shouldn’t equate the two
like that). I wonder if that makes me a high risk candidate?

In other news, our once blue house got painted “taupe” today. It’s just
kinda tan really. Looks okay.

BONSAI!

(date unknown)

I saw kanji today leaving his political science class today. He has the same class I do, only on TT instead of MWF. “I love Schaefer,” he says when he sees me. We talk a bit about Red Dragon. “What time do you get on each day?” he asks. I tell him about 4 or 5. “Cause I wanna kill somebody. Everytime I get on there, everyone’s dead. Except for Agamemnon.” Then he picks a piece of yew or juniper or whatever that bush around the Fine Arts Building is and hands it to me. “Have a tree,” he says. “It’s a hyper bonsai.”

“It looks pretty staid,” I say.

I walk into the building to go through it to get to my car. Two guys are
sitting in the hall engaged in earnest discussion. I go up to one of them
(never seen ’em before in my life) and say, “Here, have a tree,” handing him
the twig.

He accepts it and says, “Thank you,” without thinking…

Something funny happened to me today. I went by the bank to deposit the
remainder of my AL student grant and chose the drive through since it was
raining. A lot of other people had evidently chosen it for the same reason,
and there were at least two cars in front of each vacuum machine. Except the
last one. It had only one car. Cool, i thought, and I pulled into that lane,
suddenly, a van that had just been sitting over to the side dashed in RIGHT in
front of me to that place. I thought that was rather rude, but i wasn’t in a
hurry, I was in a relatively good mood having just completed my last final,
and I was enjoying listening to the radio. So I just pulled into another lane.
The front car in the lane beside me opened up then. I looked over to see a
whole line of cars waiting for the window right next to the bank to become
available. I thought one of them might want to pull over into this newly
shortened line, but none of them budged. i guess they all needed to use the
drop or something. After waiting a couple of seconds more to make sure that
what had happened to me earlier did not repeat itself, I pulled over into that
lane and put the car in park while I waited. After quite a while, the car
ahead of me pulled out, and I filled its spot quickly. I opened my door
(since my window doesn’t work), grabbed the vacuum tube when it emerged from
the machine, and was about to put my check, driver’s license, and deposit
slip in it when I remembered that I hadn’t signed the deposit slip for cash
removed. I rummaged around for a pen and hurriedly signed it before slipping
the tube back into the door of the machine. Then i waited. The machine did
nothing. The tube just sat there. Cars around me came and went as i waited
for the machine to react. Someone behind me honked their horn. I opened my
door again and hit the button marked SERVICE. I tried shutting the machine.
Nothing. So I waited some more. The tellers inside were swamped. Finally, a
lady in a truck got out and came up to my machine. She hit the SERVICE button
several times and tried to force the door shut. I just gazed out of my window
and smiled. She walked over to the window where the tellers were just as the
machine shut its door, swallowing the vacuum tube. I could hear her yelling
at the tellers through the window. The teller responded through my machine’s
speaker. After a while, i convinced the impatient lady that the machine was
indeed working and the teller that everything was okay. After a couple more
minutes the vacuum tube returned. After making sure that my driver’s
license, my money, and my receipt were all there, a pulled out quickly to let
the lady in the truck up to the machine. I didn’t even stop at the stop sign
leading out of there.

Post-present apparitions

I’m searching for a string of characters to describe the way I’m feeling
right now. I suppose I’ll just have to use English words.

Sara Fitzgerald from Americans for Tax Reform called this afternoon at three,
just like she promised. She asked me questions like, “Would you consider
yourself a conservative, moderate, or liberal?” “Do you think the current tax
system is fair?” “Why are you interested in politics?” “Why do you want an
internship?” I answered each one in my deliberate way, saying what I really
thought. I didn’t tell her I had Libertarian leanings, however.

“Okay, Joanna,” she finally concluded, “we’d like to offer you an internship
at ATR this summer.” She went on to say that they had people come from May
to July 8, from then till August 14, and others that stayed the whole summer,
from the end of May to August. The pay is 100 dollars a week. I asked her
about lodging availabilities. She gave me the numbers to a couple of
colleges within walking distances to the Metro that offer housing, one of
which costs $210 a month and has a cafeteria. I also asked her what she
liked best about ATR. She said the connections. The president of the
organization evidently knows lots of people up there and is even an advisor
to Newt Gingrich [grin]. Then Sara told me to think about it for a couple of
weeks and call her back on April 24.

So right now I’m sort of shaking inside. I’m terribly excited. This is the
sort of thing I was hoping I’d get. And then at the same time, I’m
terrified. Is this what I really want to do? Not just the offer, not simply
this summer. Is this the field I want to explore? Is this the future I want
to have? Do I really want to focus my life toward politics and government?
Do I want to meet people in power? Make “connections”? Part of me screams
to run away. The other part sees the potential for great things if I follow
this path. This might not only hold good for me but for what I can do to
benefit others, benefit my country.

Maybe I’m just a cynical idealist.

I hate decisions. I mean, I love having the freedom to make them, but to
actually choose… to make a judgment… to set my mind and course of action
in a specific direction with no real option of turning back… that tightens
my stomach into knots.

So now I’m faced with something that has the possibility of being wonderful,
and I’m scared. I’m caught between beaming with pleasure and staring aghast
into the face of the future. The fork in the road is looming ahead, and I
must chose a path.

I’ve asked God to guide my path and have pretty much always known that he
does. I’ve been amazed to see the perfect way he has orchestrated things so
far. He seems to take delight in dropping opportunities in my lap. Instead
of pursuing, I’ve been captured by my destiny. And have had nothing to
complain about thus far. I’ve made overtures in other directions, just to
see what’s out there, and had doors slam in my face. Perhaps this is meant
to be.

When Sara asked me, “Why are you interested in politics?” I didn’t really
know how to answer. “Why is anyone interested in anything?” I began. I
can’t really explain it. All I can guess is that the Lord put this desire,
this love, in my heart for a purpose. The fun, and perhaps frightening, part
is finding out what that purpose is. But life really isn’t worth living
without him, and what he wants for me is truly what I want for myself.

In any case, I’m getting pretty excited. I asked mom if I could take the
synthesizer keyboard with me if I went to Washington this summer. “I
dunno…” she answered slowly, “Maybe God will provide a family for you to
stay with that has a piano.

The Triumph of Evil (the irony of disappointment)

Naps are good.

Except when my mom wakes me up suddenly, demands I do something and then
starts telling me something important while I’m still not even sure where I
am, what’s going on, or even who I am.

That happened early this evening. I was taking a nap because I went to bed
sometime around 11:30 last night, got up at 2, procrastinated for a couple of
hours before buckling down on my paper on Shakepeare’s _Henry IV_, finishing
around seven something. Dad was proofreading it this morning and noting,
“This is your personal philosophy, Joanna.” Mom read it and asked, “Are all
your papers autobiographical?” I reminded her that my last paper was “The
Irony of Evil” in which I discussed two of Shakepeare’s greatest villains,
Iago and Edmund. “I didn’t include it in that last paper,” I told her, “but
I was originally intending to ask how someone could be that evil and then say
that to find the answer all I had to do was look inside myself.” “I didn’t
mean it like that!” she exclaimed.

I called ATR in Washington and set up an appointment for a phone interview
tomorrow at three.

Functioning merely on caffeine and ginseng tea, I made the final alterations
to my paper and headed out the door, getting to school about 20 till nine.
With some time to kill, I wondered around the fine arts building looking at
the “Art With a Southern Drawl” exhibit and then returning to my classroom,
only to find it entirely empty. It was then that I remembered that class
starts at 9:30 on Tuesdays, not nine. I can’t seem to function in a timely
manner unless I set my alarm for one hour and 15 minutes before class starts.
And last night I got up at 2.

Feeling pretty stupid, I went to the snack shop with Elizabeth and read some
of my world religions text for the quiz we had today. The rest of the day
went fairly normally. We’re discussing Christianity in WR, and specifically
the sermon on the mount. When we got to the part about, “You have heard it
said, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ but I say to you that any man who looks
lustfully at a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart,”
the question of what lust is came up. Andy, sitting behind me, said, “Joanna
will have an opinion on the matter.” I somehow became the spokesperson for
the females in the group on how women think. I was hoping very hard that
what I said was what they thought. But all the girls nodded when we came to
statement we agreed upon, so I felt a lot better.

I found a couple of books on the National Education Association in the
library and paid a huge fine on a book that was due about a month ago. Then
I purchased a tall cup of coffee and a pint of whole milk from the snack shop
(caffeine protein–a winning combination; kept me awake too) and went over to
Shakespeare, where one of the theater majors insisted I sit down and play the
piano. People kept asking me, “What song is that?” “Sompthin’ I made up.”

At the end of class, Allums said the papers weren’t due till Thursday. I
handed in my paper anyway. I didn’t want to work on it anymore. I suppose
the title was fitting–“The Triumph of Disappointment.”

Then I came home, ate a plate of spaghetti, and crashed. Couple hours of
sleep last night, five the night before (thanks to you), four the night
before that. I’m going to bed for real tonight.

Jonah (seems to be truly able to operate without much sleep)

Oh, got another letter of rejection today. From the Pew Younger Program.
Guess that’s the end of that chapter [grin].

Cara said I didn’t want an internship at Heritage. They’re boring, she said.