Posts by Jonah

When I was in grade school, we had a class where we’d write journal entries and our superintendent would have various students read aloud their entries to the rest of the school.  The favorites were the ones written by the older kids that were obvious rip-offs of Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew mysteries, substituting the names of their classmates.  We’d beg for the next installments to hear what happened.

No one ever asked for me to read my writing.

I wasn’t a very good writer and never had anything terribly interesting to write about. Also, I was a little kid.

One day on the way home from church, my dad made a right turn off our route home, then another right turn down a one-lane driveway.  “Let’s see where this goes!” he said.

Looking back, I’m sure my dad knew exactly where it went.

Dad knew things.  He knew that the tiny gas station with filthy restrooms halfway between our house and my grandparents’ house stocked Yoohoo.  He knew that the vending machine in the workshop of the construction company where he worked had grape Nihi, even though the button you had to mash to get one was just handwritten in.  He also knew that if you shimmied along between the side of the workshop and the fence separating the construction company’s lot to the next door neighbor, you’d come to an apple tree brimming with delicious apples with a branch than overhung the fence and you could pick all the apples you wanted at will.

He had  to know about the long driveway leading to the south with tree limbs overhanging, the weeds growing up tall between the tire tracks.  When you’re a kid and don’t know how to drive a car, if you think about it, a one-lane drive is treacherous.  What if a car comes up the other way?  Will you crash?  Will you come to a standstill?  Will one of the cars have to back up the whole way?  What if the driver isn’t that great at backing up?  Will you crash? Etc.

We drove what seemed like miles, the bright sun disappearing behind the thick canopy of live oak limbs overhead.  Finally, Dad stopped the car.

We got out and stepped into an overgrown garden.  A gigantic fountain lay dry in the center of the garden.  Horticulture and weeds jockeyed for position in the sun’s rays.  This garden had clearly once been splendid.

Beyond the garden was the most beautiful house I had ever seen.  It was tall, stately, ornate, and at the same time decrepit  and a little creepy.  It was huge.  Even in the bright southern sun, it seemed cold and foreboding.

“Let’s take a look around!” my dad said.  My mom, always game for a bit of adventure, began peeking in windows. It was no use. All we could see was darkness inside.

My parents chatted about how much the mansion was worth.  “How would you like to move into that?” my dad asked, obviously rhetorically.

No creatures emerged to assault us.  No ghosts appeared. Nothing bad happened.  When we had looked around at everything there was to see, we piled back in the car to continue our journey home.

Still, this was the most exciting thing that had happened to me in months.  I couldn’t wait to write about it in my writing class.  Maybe I’d even get called on to read it out loud.  I was contemplating the adjectives I’d use.  The house was just so beautiful.  I mentioned all of this out loud.

“Oh,” my dad said, “No, don’t tell anyone about this.”  While tramping around an abandoned out-of-the-way mansion wasn’t illegal, it isn’t the sort of thing you want to go around advertising.

That week I wrote about something else.  Mushrooms, maybe.  Or socks.

(I should probably point out to my parents that I am now publishing this story publicly.)

I have a superpower.

I only discovered it recently, though it turns out it had been there all along.

And for the longest time I thought it was my greatest weakness.

I was continually chastised for it.  I fought to suppress it.  I sought counseling and read books on the subject.

My greatest weakness is anger.

I’m angry all the time.  Even when I am relaxed, joking around, having a good time… I’m still angry.  I’m angry at carelessness and waste.  I’m angry about inefficiency and injustice.  I’m angry because of inattention and cruelty.

A turning point in my journey (and my life) was reading Make Anger Your Ally by clinical psychologist Neil Clark Warren.  Anger, he explains, is a natural internal response that prepares us to cope with hurtful, frustrating and fearful experiences. Anger is a physical state of readiness. When we are angry, we are prepared to act.

Of course, my first reaction when I’m acutely angry is to slam doors, kick a hole through a wall, or burn a building down.  And without developed self-control, I would be completely destructive and do all of those things.

But I’ve learned I can channel this force.  This is why I make phone calls to the mayor’s office and leave voicemails while stopped at unnecessarily long traffic lights.  This is why I write letters to airlines demanding partial refunds.  This is why I attend my neighborhood’s special water district board meetings when we haven’t had any water for three weekends in a row. And all those things got fixed.

And I get to use my superpower at work.  I work at a law firm that helps injured workers get the medical treatment they need and the lost wages they’ve missed.  I get to use my superpower making phone calls, writing nasty letters, drafting snarky court motions.

Anger isn’t wrong.  It isn’t a sin.  The Bible says God gets angry.  The Apostle Paul says not to let the sun go down on your anger.  But that’s good advice.  Anger gives you immediate energy to get things done.  Do the constructive thing you can while you’re still angry.  Don’t wait until tomorrow if you can.

I’ve learned to embrace my anger.  I still slip up sometimes, especially when I’m very tired.  But I’ve learned that, when I feel that rage starting to explode, I should look around to see what I can do in that moment to act to fix the problem that’s making me angry.  And then I do it with an energy that I would never normally have.

My superpower is anger.

Every year I plan to say something I’m grateful for each day in November, and every year I forget. So here’s a list of thirty things I’m grateful for posted on December 1.

1. For my amazing husband who worked his butt off to get a degree and as a result was able to get a job that compensates him very well and where is very highly valued.
2. That my amazing husband hasn’t quit or been fired.
3. For our beautiful house.
4. For my beautiful commute. I tell you what, I’d rather drive the 45 minutes I do now than the 10 minutes I used to have to drive on the Interstate.
5. For podcasts.
6. For a job I enjoy, where I can do good, and where I can use my superpower.
7. For my superpower (more on this later).
8. For industrious coworkers I get along with well.
9. For bosses that I love.
10. For my car. I love my car so much. Thanks, Berck, for buying it for me!
11. For safety driving. Disaster can strike so quickly, and every time I arrive somewhere uninjured I am grateful.
12. For my friends.
13. For the Internet. I have friends all over the world, and the Internet makes to so easy to keep in touch with them.
14. For the Internet in my pocket.
15. For pockets.
16. For not only always having enough to eat but having delicious food to eat.
17. For my husband’s cooking skills. If you’ve ever had Berck’s cooking, you know what I’m talking about.
18. For running water. In our neighborhood, this is an iffy situation. But we have running water today.
19. For a heated garage. It’s so nice to get into a warm car in the mornings.
20. That, so far, I don’t have to shop at Walmart.
21. For Amazon.com.
22. For a wonderful freezer that makes crushed ice.
23. For devices that allow me to see far away (glasses).
24. For ten fingers that allow me to type and play music.
25. For gel pens. We used to only have ballpoint pens, you know.
26. For my husband’s beard. Yes, I like beards, but mostly for the fact that he’s willing to grow one so my face doesn’t have to deal with his sandpaper stubble.
27. For my dishwasher. I’m serious when I say this is very near the the top of my list of things I’m grateful for.
28. For our sweet cat. We remark regularly how lucky we are to get such a good free Craigslist cat. He’s not the smartest, but he always has a good attitude, all things considered. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.
29. That I get to live only an hour away from my parents and get to see them whenever I want.
30. For my amazing family. I am related to some of the most amazing people alive, and I think that is so cool!