Posts by Berck

We have a week left. Then we’re unemployed. Some of us are more screwed than others. I think I’m in the “more screwed” category.

I haven’t done anything substantial to locate another job. I’m gonna tell you right away I can’t wait another day, Amanda.

Most of the folks I work with are not the same folks I worked with a year ago. There are probably only 6 people or so who have been there longer than I. I don’t really seem to get along with most people remaining.

There are no good options. Like a guiding light to help me through my darkest hour, lately I’m a prayin’ you’ll always be a standin’ beside me.

Nathan just asked me if I plan to study most of August. I answered, “Or maybe drink.” I really don’t have any good ideas. Job-hunting in August, for sure. The problem is that any job I take is going to make substantially less than Joanna makes now, and Joanna has no ability to get a good job anywhere else in the world. I don’t want her to work in a factory again.

In some ways, I feel like I don’t belong in the sky. Why should I get to sit above everyone else stuck in traffic? Why should I get to avoid the drudgery of pushing paper or the sweat of real labor? Sometimes I think maybe I should get a job turning wrenches or pouring coffee for awhile to put a little perspective on things. Then I remember that I decided to fly planes to avoid pouring coffee.

I’ve started thinking that perhaps I don’t even want the job that I’ve said I want. Maybe I’m not meant to have it. And from what you said, I know you’ve gotten over me, it’ll never be the way it used to be. But if it’s gotta be this way, then don’t worry babe, I can take the news okay.

I’m both excited and mortified about the fact that I have no idea what life will be like week after next. I worry that Joanna will become annoyed with me. In some way, I should be happy that I’m being kicked in the ass and need to do something different, because I might stay here a very long time. But this is the first time I’ve felt any substantial geographic inertia. I don’t want to move. I like it here. Sure, I might like it better somewhere else, but for once, I like it *here*. That’s never happened before. I’ve hated everywhere else. There’s a lot keeping me here, so it’s tempting to say, “Okay, then look for jobs here.” But, there aren’t really any. There are some crappy instructor jobs up in Denver, and I may apply for them. But instructing for half the money and driving in Denver traffic every day does not a happy Berck make. There’s something dark about destiny, there’s something blue about you and me.

There’s instructor jobs in Tulsa.

So I post this one in compensation.

I don’t know if I like New York or not. I spent some effort trying to decide, but it doesn’t matter. While Jonah’s working on the narratives, I thought I would observate a bit.

As we drove away from the Denver airport, I noticed a light happy feeling that took a moment to place. I eventually realized that the feeling was one of escape. We escaped New York. I mentioned it to Joanna and she agreed. The top was down, the buildings were small, few and far between, the world was green and brown, and while it was currently hotter than New York, it was comfortable.

The city doesn’t care whether I like it or not. At some point I wondered whether the I♥NY shirts were government issue. What, exactly does I♥NY mean anyway?

I’m no stranger to the urban environment. I’ve been to Chicago many times now, and I can safely say that I liked a lot, from the very first time. While New York is urban, that fact seems unimportant. What is important?

The segregation. Racial segregation the most obvious as it’s blatant, accepted, encouraged and self-imposed. The name “Chinatown” or “Little Italy” seems somehow offensive. I think, perhaps, that racism is mostly dead but a far more reality-based cultralism has taken its place. Perhaps the city’s segments should be renamed to things like “Thugtown” and “Hipster Villiage.” But the most segregated place I’ve ever seen is, perhaps as a result of the shear density, the most diverse as well. My sister lives in Bedford-Stuyvesant, of which Billy Joel sang, “I walked through Bedford-Stuy alone,” as though it were just as crazy as riding his motorcycle in the rain. My sister walks through it alone at night, often. She’s not afraid, even though she’s sure not to encounter another white person on the street. No one will impose segregation on another, but it seems that everyone prefers self-segregation.

New technology seems to considered generally unnecessary, and accepted only when necessary. The subway system, while bigger and better and cooler than any in the world sometimes seems to be awfully primitive. For instance, tokens were accepted until 2003. Many of the lines are operating beyond design capacity and are overcrowded, and there are no solutions immediately available. There are over 600 miles of revenue track, over 800 miles total track. More than 6,400 cars serve 468 stations. Over 5 million people ride the trains in a week. Yet there are almost no handicap accessible stations. There are only a handful of escalators, and restrooms are only in 5 stations.

And then there’s the heat in the subway. Until you’ve been underground with 100 people holding hair dryers on “high” pointed at you or ridden the NYC subway you have no idea what I mean. It’s just astonishing that with all the heat venting to the streets, the subway is still so hot. Fortunately, the cars are conditioned. Usually. Some cars have fubar A/C.

“Why hasn’t she brought the check yet?!????” One day, I will sit in a New York restaurant forever. Until they volunteer the check. I suspect the project will take a few weeks to accomplish. This is is both awesome and absurd simultaneously. In the same city where jay walking is essential, you can sit at a restaurant as long as you damn well please.

I think the reputation for New Yorkers using obscene language is overrrated. I didn’t notice more in NYC than other places, but what I did notice is a large number of people who just need to yell creatively.

There’s more, but it’s going to have to wait.