Internet Passwords

This is a boring post about a mostly boring thing that I feel compelled to write. It’s aimed at those of you who haven’t thought much about Internet security, find websites’ increasing security demands obnoxious and just want to go about your life with minimal hassle. Like my Mom. Or Jonah. I find that I’m often giving this advice to people after it’s too late and individually, but now I can just link to this.

I know you’ve probably seen articles that are like “use a password manager,” and those are well-intentioned and have reasonable advice. And you know it’s a thing you should do, but it’s hard and you’ve got better things to do. And really, you probably figure that someone accessing your email account isn’t the worst thing the world.

So I’d like to start by explaining the way actual attacks work and why you don’t want it to happen to you. Hopefully coming from me in my own words means something more to you than some rando journalist.

A common thing that happens now is that someone (maybe you!) uses the same password everywhere. There are a ton of websites that require you to come up with a username and password for no good reason (like online shopping). So you buy some widget online from some little online outfit that runs a store with poor security. Someone targets their website and steals their entire customer database. This means that now they have your email address and your password for that store.

At first, maybe you think this is no big deal. But if the password to your email account is the same password that you used at this store–you’re probably screwed. One of the first things someone is going to do is try to log in to your email account with your password. They’re also probably on to the fact that you think you’re clever by using “secur3passw0rdWidget” for the widget store and “secur3passw0rdGmail” for your gmail. So now they have access to your email, and once they get in, you’re going to have a really bad time.

First, they’re going log into your gmail account and change your gmail password so you can’t access it anymore, but they can. Then they’ll read your email to see what banks you use. They’ll do “forgot my password” at your bank/paypal/whatever, which will send “you” an email to make sure you are who say you are.

The bank might ask for some other identifying information about you. Like your phone number, maybe your date of birth. Which, probably, can be found trivially by searching through your email. Once they get in, they’ll then change the phone number and contact information that your bank has on you to make it even harder for you to get your accounts back.

Chances are good that by the time you figure out what’s going on, they’ve stolen your account information, possibly your money. Maybe they’ve had one of your credit cards reported as lost and shipped directly to them. Possibly they’ve logged onto your Facebook and sent messages to some of your friends to explain that you’re stuck in a city far away from home, lost your wallet, and really need them to send some money to help you out of a jam.

So, here’s the things you should do to keep this from happening, and I’ll list them in the likelihood that you’ll actually do them:

(1) Make sure your email password is truly unique. I don’t care if you write it down on a sticky note and put it on your monitor or carry it with you. It’s not ideal, but this attack vector is unlikely compared to someone stealing it from another site.

(2) Pick an actually secure password for your email. Do what works for you, but it should not be a dictionary word, and doing common letter substitutions doesn’t count. It doesn’t need to be random to be secure. Correct battery horse staple passwords are pretty good as long as you avoid the 5,000ish most common words. (Munroe’s math in the comic involves cracking character-by-character, but a sophisticated attack will build rainbow tables with common words. If someone knows you’re using a battery horse staple password, they’re actually easy to crack if you use common words. Weird, uncommon but memorable words are best.)

(3) Go to Have I Been Pwned and see if the common password you’re using everywhere is in their database. It probably is. Stop using it for anything important, but seriously don’t use it for your email.

(4) Use a password manager! I know you don’t want to. It seems hard. It’s really not. The hassle is just in setting it up, but the good ones have browser extensions and apps for all browsers and phones. Once you go through the hassle of setting it up, it’s going to make your life much easier! You just click “generate random password” in your browser, it’ll generate it and remember it goes with that site. Your random, secure password will be auto-filled way faster than you can type your common password. It’ll then be synced to all your devices magically.

(5) Turn on two factor authentication for your email. There are 3 basic options now:

  • SMS – you get a text message with a code
  • Authenticator App – You use an app (like Google Authenticator) to generate a code
  • Hardware Key – a thumb-drive like device that you stick in a USB port and push a button when you want to log in.

The SIM card in your phone can be trivially cloned by any teenager who works for your wireless phone provider. Then they’ll stick the SIM in their own phone and get your code texted directly to them. SMS-based two factor is way better than not having two-factor, but it’s the worst choice and you should pick one of the others if you can.

Authenticator apps are a better choice, but they leave you vulnerable to phishing attacks where you think you’re logging into your email account, but you’re not. While you type in your password and your authenticator code, an attacker is logging into your account for you.

Hardware keys are the best answer, but can be a bit of a pain. If you want to go this route, Yubikey is the standard choice. You actually need to buy at least 2 of them because you won’t be able to access your account if you lose/break it. The way it works is that you log in to your email with your password, but then it’ll ask you to tap your hardware key. You don’t have to type They are awesome because when used correctly, they cannot be phished or stolen remotely.

The hassle is somewhat mitigated by the fact that you can check “remember this device” so you effectively only have to use the key to log in from a new device.

(6) Ideally you’ll turn on Google’s Advanced Protection! It looks like you can now do this with a modern phone, and you don’t even need to buy a security key to do it.

Sunday Movies

Maybe going through and watching critically acclaimed movies is actually working for me. I’m mostly just plugging in the movies that are well-liked by critics into Criticker and watching anything that Criticker agrees I’ll like. This is working better than it usually does.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On: B. I’m not much of a fan of animation. Or kids’ movies. This is… maybe only sort of either? It’s live action, except that the main character is an animated shell. And while there’s nothing in this movie that’s inappropriate for kids, I’m not sure it’s a kids’ movie? It’s not paced like a kids’ movie, and it doesn’t feel packed with the obnoxiousness I’ve come to expect from, say, Pixar. Instead, it’s a careful look at the modern world from the perspective of an innocent, well-meaning shell. The good humor is good, but even the dumb humor is somehow endearing. It’s like nothing else I’ve seen before (though it did remind me slightly of the Everything is Alive podcast), and that’s perhaps the best thing about it. The plot is not strong–it exists only to let a shell show us how he see the world, and that’s fine.

The Duke (2020): B. So British! Worth it for the old married repartee. Which is really good since it’s worth watching just for that, but otherwise this movie doesn’t have a lot to offer. The plot is predictable (literally old news!), the character development ranges from non-existent to uninteresting, but the acting and dialog is fantastic.

More Movies

Girl Picture (Tytöt tytöt tytöt): B+. This felt fresh, maybe because it’s Finnish. The central character is a difficult girl and she’s difficult in ways that resonate. This pretends to be a “coming of age” film, and it technically is, but these characters didn’t really feel like teenagers to me. There are really two stories that are not exactly related, and I find myself unsure why they’re interwoven. But it checks a lot of boxes for me, and I really enjoyed it.

The Quiet Girl (An Cailín Ciúin): B+. We randomly watched these back-to-back, and while they are completely different movies, there were some unexpected similarities. Both were filmed 4:3, which seems to be the edgy artsy choice these days, maybe just because it’s a choice you can easily make in the digital world. I mostly didn’t even notice with Girl Picture which had a rough handheld aesthetic, but the landscapes in Quiet Girl felt like they deserved better. But 4:3 forces you to focus on the actors, and this is about the Quiet Girl after all. Slow, but never boring. My biggest complaint is that the only subtitles I could find were just for the Irish parts, but the English parts were nearly unintelligible. Some of this seemed on purpose, the conversation between adults only producing vague comprehension for the child witnessing it at a distance.

Emily the Criminal: B. This is the most mainstream American thing we’ve watched in awhile. It does claim to be a “thriller”, and it even has a minor car chase scene. It was unusually popular with critics given the premise, and we’d gotten pretty far along in the movie before I was able to figure out why. At first it seems like so many crime movies–hard-up character falls ever-deeper into crime, but the story it builds around this is anything but typical. Emily is not, it turns out, a normal young woman who just happens to fall into a life of crime. The movie makes this clear from the beginning, but I’m so used to the trope that it took me awhile to believe this was actually different. The movie is her character development, and it does not develop in the way I’d think it might. There were so many interesting choices in this movie–this a crime movie, but there is no fetishization of crime, neither is there any moralization. The point of this movie is not to tell you that crime is bad–presumably you know that. Also, there are no guns! This is a crime thriller with no guns! Also the title seems unimportant, but it turns out it’s a fantastic title that’s carefully explained. I love that. There’s also a fantastic dive into the horrors of what I’ll call American Business Culture, which I think is widely taken as an indictment of capitalism in general, but I think it’s that’s a far less interesting take than what’s actually going on.

Weird French Movie Roundup

Smoking Causes Coughing (Fumer fait tousser): B- This has a 94% on Rotten Tomatoes, not because it’s fantastic, but because it can absolutely pierce the insane tolerance to the whiles of normal film that movie critics build up. The genre is listed as, “Comedy, Fantasy, Horror,” and that checks out. I think it’s technically an action hero movie, which goes against my principles, but it’s actually a series of comedy-horror vignettes which aren’t all that funny or horror-inducing but are…. thought provoking? I’d like to give it props for being only 1:15 long yet covering plenty of… something.

The Man in the Hat: B. This isn’t actually a French movie (It’s a UK movie), though it’s set in France, and the half-dozen lines of dialogue are in French. It’s mostly dialogue-free, very weird, and also pleasantly delightful. While not especially coherent, it manages to be more plot-driven than the rest of the French movies I’ve watched lately. It’s got a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes for much the same reasons as the previous mention–it manages to be completely unlike any other movie.

Zero Fucks Given (Rien à foutre): B-. Probably worth watching just to watch Adèle Exarchopoulos. It’s slow-moving, subtle, but eventually coherent. The rare art house movie where the last half is significantly better than the first half. The premise–young flight attendant comes to terms with life–isn’t much, but I’m impressed with how subtly some pretty intense stuff was presented. The flight attendant details were hilarious and mostly-believable, though I think the euro budget airlines have to deal with stuff that I did not.

Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles (technically Belgian, not French): C+. Rated by a not-insignificant number of critics as the greatest movie of all time. It’s not my thing, but if you’ve ever wondered how much emotion could be conveyed by a single actress peeling two potatoes for 10 minutes, this sets a pretty high bar. It’s more than 3 hours where nearly nothing happens, and yet I was never tempted to turn it off. I did not find the experience of repeatedly waiting for a very slow elevator that’s always on the wrong floor to be pleasant, but I do appreciate the filmmaking. The most pleasant parts of the film are when Jeanne manages to leave or return to the apartment and the elevator-riding scenes are cut! Somehow we, the viewer, are occasionally allowed to imagine the elevator ride ourselves! Or maybe not even think about the elevator ride!

WordPress Update

After 20 years, WordPress finally broke my custom theme badly enough that I decided to update it with a modern one rather than learn enough PHP to fix the old one. Just know that the slightly more modern look was thrust upon me–I didn’t want it. I hacked this one to make it look as bad as I could. I’m sad because Marginal Revolution has managed to keep their site looking the same for about the same length of time and they’re just a couple of economists. But there’s a limit to the amount of time I’m willing to spend on a thing that almost no one reads anyway and that Jonah rarely updates because she’s all Facebook all the time, now.

I need to switch the subscriptions to a thing that doesn’t have ads.