Your not alone


by Jonah

There’s a sign on the washroom door at work that says, “EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK,” the sort of placard restaurants are required to put up. I’m not sure why we have to wash our hands. I mean, sure, it’s a good idea and all. But we don’t deal with food, and two minutes back out in the warehouse gets anyone’s hands visibly covered in dirt and dust again.

Just this week appeared above this sign a laminated computer graphicked sheet of paper that has these words imposed over the picture of a house.

Your not in this house alone!

Set an example

*Consider others
*Care for others
*Keep things clean

Do the right thing.

So I have to wonder. Would it be considerate to point out the grammatical mistake? Or would it be uncaring to nitpick about homonyms?

And is this a warning that someone is watching to see whether or not I use soap?

So today I took action. I pulled my trusty marker out of my back pocket and added an E and an apostrophe.

I think I did the right thing.

Posted in Warehouse Blues | 1 Comment

All God’s Chillin


by Jonah

I think I bought the ugliest shoes in the entire store today.

My New Balance tennis shoes have served me well, but after a year of warehouse work, they’re now falling apart. The assistant puller team leader was sporting some newish white New Balances today, so I asked her where she got them. She lives in Moore, right up the interstate from Norman. So I stopped at the store on my way home today. They had a pretty good selection and what looked like good prices. The only shoes in my price range that fit were these ugly silver and white running shoes with blue and pink stripes.

I was sure to ask about their return policy.

Posted in Nonclassified Nonsense | No Comments

Telephony


by Jonah

On Tuesday last week, my brother Ben was driving by the mall and got a hankering for Chick-fil-a. So he parked and went in, only to realize that Chick-fil-a was on the other side of the mall. But the Verizon store was right there, so he went in to see about getting some equipment for his phone. Which they didn’t have, but the salesman talked Ben into taking home two new phones.

What does a boy do with two new mobile phones? He gives one of them to his mother…who, mind you, already has a perfectly good phone of her own. Mom called us on her new phone that evening…before nine because it’s Verizon and it’s free. Mom had been thinking about switching to Verizon anyway. They have the best service, and she can talk to us unlimitedly. “Plus,” she added, “we could add you to our plan if you ever need to.” So she decided to use it for the two week risk-free trial. She put Dad on the phone with me, who said something about Ben getting suckered. What does a boy do with two new mobile phones?

The next evening, we discovered our phone service was cancelled.

Berck sent an e-mail to Mom and Ben. Mom overnighted one of the phones to us that morning. You can’t get service much faster than that.

Since Verizon doesn’t have any stores in Oklahoma, Berck mailed his phone to Ben, who is going to get it switched over to his account. And we’ll have 251 area codes, so anyone in Mobile can call us for free.

But only on weekends and nights after nine, of course.

Posted in Nonclassified Nonsense | No Comments