The Avengers, Jonah’s perspective

Berck rented The Avengers because Joss Whedon directed it. But he doesn’t do comic books.

“When do we see Natalie?”

“What is this guy’s deal? Does all he have is a shield?”

“IS THAT ROBIN?”

“Every time he says anything, all I hear is, ‘Quarter pounder with cheese.'”

“There’s Natalie! Natalie is on the computer screen!”

“Not every woman can pull off wearing a suit like that.”

“Have you noticed that Scarlett and Robin’s suits keep getting unzipped lower?”

“Where’s Natalie?”

“I don’t understand. I thought these were comic book characters. Why is there suddenly a Norse god?”

“This guy has to weld his own suit? You mean he’s just a regular guy with a suit?”

“I’m not sure Scarlett’s suit can unzip any lower.”

[credits roll]

“WHERE’S NATALIE????”

The Avengers

Some months ago, I decided to add The Avengers to my Netflix queue, I believe solely on the fact that it was directed by Joss Whedon.

That was a serious mistake. After ordering 3 copies of the movie, I determined that the DVDs were not scratched, they were merely encumbered with some sort of copy protection that prevented me from copying them to my hard drive.

This was enough for me. Any movie copy-protected is not a movie worth watching. Jonah disagreed, and insisted that we load it into our inherited blu-ray player and watch it before I sent it back to Netflix. So, I stuck it in the player, hit play, and went to the bathroom.

I also poured myself a scotch. Then lost the scotch. Then found it.

At this point, the DVD had been playing for about 8 minutes. I have no idea what it was playing, but it was not the movie. Instead, it appeared to be promotional material for the movie. But that was okay, because Natalie Portman was in the promotional material.

I eventually coerced the DVD to play in a time-frame that was longer than the insane amount of time it takes to see whatever you payed for at the cinema, and remarked that I couldn’t believe people payed for this experience.

As it started, I asked Joanna if it was an animated film. “Not really,” she said, “but there’s a lot of CGI.”

Yeah. It’s all CGI. I don’t know why they hired actors.

It started off promising with a shot of Robin in a skin-tight uniform with a sidearm. She spent a lot of time nearly, but not quite, grabbing that sidearm.

I waited anxiously for Natalie to appear. She did not, but I eventually noticed that the redhead with an extraordinarily poor command of the Russian language was Scarlet Johanson. So, Robin, Scarlet and Natalie. That’d make up for most things, right?

No. This was easily the most terrible movie I’ve ever seen. I kept thinking I would get up and go to bed, but I didn’t for two reasons. The first was that it was also the loudest movie I’d seen, and there was no way I was going to sleep through the remainder of it, and I know Jonah won’t give up on a movie. The second is that at the exact moment I’d decided to leave, either Scarlet or Robin appeared with their uniforms slightly more unzipped. The progress was agonizingly tantalizing. I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere, but boy did those uniforms make it hard to walk away.

And, if you’re one of the three people left in the universe wondering whether you should see this move, that’s what you should do. Walk away.

This morning I was held at gunpoint for ransom…

…or at least that’s what the guy who called my dad said.

I was brushing my teeth this morning at 7:25 when my phone rang with a local number.  

“This is the El Paso County Sheriff’s office.  Is this Joanna?  Are you alright?”

“Yes…?”

“Are you able to speak freely?”

“Yes, I’m at home with my husband.  We’re getting ready to go to work.”

“Can you verify your parents’ address?”

Well, I know they’re on Ford Drive, and there’s a 1, 4, and 5 in the address, plus an additional one of those, though I can never remember which.  I just turn left at the red mailbox when I go over there.  I guessed, and Berck said, “That’s not their address!”  As noted before, I have a hard time remembering numbers, even with the police.

The dispatcher didn’t seem to care.  “And you’re okay? Your father called us very upset and said someone called him and said he was holding you at gunpoint and was demanding money.”

I looked outside.  An inch or two of snow had fallen that night.  There weren’t even any recent tire tracks on our ally.  Nothing but rabbit footprints outside.  “No, there’s no one here but us.”

“Okay.  We’re going to see if we can get the caller to meet us somewhere to drop off the money and see if we can get this resolved.  Can you verify your address?  We’re sending a deputy to make sure you’re okay.  You said you were getting ready to leave for work.  Can you stay at your house until the deputy either arrives or contacts you by phone?”

We waited 45 minutes.  I spent the time sending an e-mail to my office manager saying I’d be late and then shoveling the driveway.

Berck finally insisted I call the Teller County Sheriff and see if we could go to work.   The dispatcher said she had no idea what I was talking about, that El Paso County Sheriff’s office hadn’t contacted them, but if they did, she would let them know that I had checked in and was fine.  She added, “Oh, yeah, that’s a scam that’s going around.  We got three of those last week.”

I’d called Dad to let him know I was fine and sent both him and Mom text messages, in case they were still talking to the police and couldn’t answer.  Dad texted me back and said he’d call in a little bit.

When I did talk to Dad, he said he’d dropped Mom off at the airport to fly to Mobile this morning.  A number he didn’t recognize called his mobile phone.  He thought there was a possibility that it was the airline, so he answered.  A guy with what sounded to him like a Latin accent said that there had been a horrible accident involving a relative and did he have any relatives in town.  Dad said he had a daughter.  Then the guy said that he had a gun but that he wouldn’t hurt me unless Dad gave him money.  While they were talking, Dad had put his phone on mute and called 911 so the police could hear the conversation as well.  A deputy also showed up almost right away.

That’s about when I got my call.

The caller eventually demanded that Dad go to Safeway and wire him money.  So he’s probably not even in the country.

Then Mom texted me.  She had just landed in Dallas and wanted to know what my text message was about.

 

 

 

 

 

New.

I quit grad school. I even felt bad about it for a few days. But then I committed to build an airplane, and now I feel much better.

I knew grad school was going to be a substantial amount of work, but after several weeks of essentially doing nothing but working for 4 hours after work and all the weekends, I was starting to fall behind. Someone else at Georgia Tech mentioned that they’d already taken 3 days off of work in order to try to get caught up with school work. You know what? Screw that. I don’t need the degree; I thought it would be fun. This much stress just isn’t fun, and Joanna pleaded with me to quit on multiple occasions. The idea of quitting probably wouldn’t have occurred to me if she hadn’t been so persistent about it (I actually thought she was being dramatic at first, but it became clear that she was not.) Once I started thinking about quitting, I did it as quickly as possible because the refund was based on the day I decided to withdraw.

But I’m really doing this. Building an airplane. This is probably the most excited I’ve been about something since I started flight school. I never thought I’d have an airplane of my own, and I still won’t. My coworker, Randy, and I are doing this together, and we’ll share ownership when we’re done. We have no idea what we’re doing, but we have books, the internets, no grad school, and gumption.

I need to start a builder’s log. I initially decided I wasn’t going to do the blog-as-builder’s-log thing, but it’s probably a good idea. The builder’s log is required to prove to the FAA that we built 51% of the aircraft, and they like pictures. So I’ll probably set up a separate WordPress site for that…

Most of our tools and the kit for the aircraft tail arrived today. I’m planning on taking it home Thursday and using the long weekend to get started!

Christmas

Today is the first Christmas we’ve spent alone.  Unless you count Christmas ’07, whenBerck got the last flight from O’Hare to Colorado Springs, getting in late at night.  Berck has a bad cold, possibly the flu, and has been pitiful all day.  I made myself some cheese eggs and bacon for breakfast, making lots, fully expecting Berck to steal about half of it.  But he must really feel bad, because he only had one piece of bacon and a forkful of eggs.  For Christmas dinner we warmed up some breakfast burritos Berck got from a New Zealender who comes by his work and sells them.  Berck did brew a double batch of beer but then apparently  expected me to clean up from it.

It was nice to have a relaxing day at home, though.  We opened up presents in the morning, and I video chatted with Ben in Mobile and Mom and Dad who are visiting the Baileys in Seattle.  Berck and I went through a few plastic tubs of his dad’s that have been in storage in the garage, tossing a lot of it in the trash, keeping some of it, and putting some in a box to take to Goodwill.  The sort of things we found ranged from a dusty quarter of a roll of Tums (trash) to a set of surgical tools engraved with Dr. Kelsey’s initials (keep).

With as crazy as life has been lately, it was really nice to not have to do anything all day on a Wednesday.  And we get to have the same schedule next week.

Maybe Berck will be feeling better by then and we’ll even cook the duck I bought at the store yesterday.

Here’s one of the neighborhood deer watching Berck brew out on our deck today.  I think he may have won an argument with a hammock.

Hammock Deer